Happy October!!

I am so excited that October is finally here! I know it’s very typical for a girl to say that but this month is especially special for me, it’s my birthday month! ☺️ I usually am mourning summer all September long, but once October hits I am all pumpkins, ghosts, and costume ready. It’s just beautiful to be able to experience the change of seasons and feel the frost again. I’m going to make a quick list of reasons why the Fall is great in New York:

1. The colors of the leaves! (Who can not say they’re just gorgeous?!)
2. All the fields to go pumpkin/Apple picking in.
3. The haunted house attractions that pop up.
4. Pumpkin spice lattes. 
5. Flannels, boots, and fuzzy socks.
6. Pumpkin flavored everything!
7. Halloween movies (beetlejuice, halloweentown, twitches, phantom of the megaplex! For all you 90’s babys.)
8. Halloween stores.
9. Crisp hayrides.
10. Sleeping with the windows open again.
11. The dressing up!
12. Decorations on all of the houses.
13. All those yummy pies.
14. And of course…. My birthday. 💗

I figured since I have never done one of these before, I am going to do an October Month Photo Challenge. I’m not sure I’ll remember to keep up everyday, but I will try. Here it goes!

  

Happy October, all! 🎃🍂

Doubts

The other day, I was driving to work and passed by a sign in front of a church that read, “Doubt is the ants in the pants of faith.” How great right? I spent the rest of my work day thinking about how true that really is. How sometimes doubt can deter me from doing something and perhaps that something could have been wonderful, but it never happened. Why? Because I doubted myself. 

There had been times when I’ve put off doing something because I had doubted that I’d enjoy it or succeed in it. And when I actually did do it, I loved it! I can’t even tell you how many times this has happened to me. I had put off rock climbing for a long while because I feared the heights, if I wouldn’t be able to do it, and if I’d look silly in front of my friends. 10 rock walls later, I was a champ. I absolutely love it now! Not only did I not fall to my demise, but I didn’t care if I looked silly because we all weren’t professional rock-climbers so who cares?! Doubt could have really prevented me from finding this amazing hobby of mine. 

I think that if you have enough faith in yourself that you are able to do anything, you could at least gain enough courage to try. And if you fail, so what, you won’t die from it! (Unless you’re trying to tight rope walk across two buildings, definitely practice that first)

Even if you have a little faith in yourself, it’s a start. Even if it’s fake faith that you’re telling to yourself, even if you have deep down doubts, it’ll at least trick you into eventually believing it! I think we are capable of many, great things. But we will never figure them out if we are stuck in the same position we’d always been in. Get up and try it out. Don’t set off to fail, set off to try. 

An itch for life

There are so many things I want to do with my life. It absolutely terrifies me to think that my life could end without being able to see the world and live as courageously as I want to. 

I want to attend the Cannes film festival. I want to sail on the Mediterranean Sea. I want to go shopping in Tokyo. I want to dance in New Orleans. I want to play carnival games on the Santa Monica pier. I want to play with tigers in Thailand. I want to eat strange foods in India. I want to live on my own for a year and make my own dinners. I want to run a successful blog, I want to inspire other people. I want to become a law professor, I want to publish a book. I want to dress wildly and laugh a lot. I want to kayak, parasail, and go sky diving. I want to make a family, a huge family. I want to see my children laugh and travel as much as I did. I want to give back to my parents twice as much as they gave me. I want to sew a dress, paint a picture that’ll hang up in my kitchen. I want to grow vegetables and serve them in salad at my family dinners. I want to be so happy that I can’t possibly imagine living a life any other way.

Is there enough time to do all of this? I know some things are just pipe dreams and may not happen, but it’s amazing to even get to dream them. I’m not narrow minded. I know what the world has to offer and it makes me so anxious to know I’m not discovering it right this second. I have such an itch for adventure. Even if it’s to a new grocery store in a different town, I want new. My life will be such a small blip in the history of things; I need to make it a great one. I suppose dreaming is the first step to doing…. Maybe one day I will succeed in all of my wishes… Maybe one day I will do even more! 

I’m ready to start actually doing something about these dreams. I can’t waste another day doing something that doesn’t make me the happiest person, I don’t have enough time for that! It’s taken me over 20 years to discover this and I can’t ignore it now…. 

Life is meant to be lived. Even if your dreams are as simple as being happy or finding the right person, let it be. Do what makes YOU anxious to begin, and don’t settle for anything that doesn’t spark something inside of you.

Happy Tuesday!

I am incredibly thrilled that it is finally May! It’s by far my favorite month, everything is just so beautiful in May. Especially the cherry blossom trees, although they don’t last very long, it’s a wonder to get to see them even for that short time. 

This is my last week of grad school for the summer and I can’t wait for it to be finished. Not that I don’t love my school or being in the city, I just have been working my brain to the max. Too many papers!!! I forgot what that was like for awhile. It’s definitely been an experience. 

I went from a small town under-grad school to a school in the center of one of the world’s biggest cities! Having to commute, taking a train and subways, figuring out my own way. Being placed with hundreds of unfamiliar faces in an unfamiliar place. And I survived. Better yet, I’ve succeeded and now I feel like I can conquer every inch of this city. 

That’s life isn’t it, thinking you’re going to fail and being terrified but ending up totally loving it. I’m glad I took a chance and I’m glad I didn’t stop myself like I normally would have. I’ve realized more and more lately that stepping outside of your comfort zone is exactly where you find success. 

So that’s my spiel. I’ll begin to blog a lot more now that summers beginning!

Have a happy Tuesday!

The little things pt.2

every now and then I like to post lists of the little things that I appreciate the most… They keep me grounded and most importantly, remind me that it’s the little things in life that mean the most. 

• Thin mints! (Yes, it’s officially Girl Scout cookie season)
• Cherry blossom trees
• Sound of birds on a spring day
• Lemon water
• Hearing my grandparents play their doowop music
• Discovering a new hole-in-wall restaurant
• Subway performers
• New car smell
• Funky socks
• Hearing an ice cream truck coming
• Cold pillows
• Mint colored nail polish 
• Making a stranger laugh
• Compliments from a stranger
• Sundresses
• Coconut water
• Having the sunroof open
• Dancing until my legs hurt
• Reading a book until 4am
• Movie theatre popcorn
• Family dinners
• The color yellow
• Frogs in the rain
• May
• Feeling good after a workout
• Peanut butter
• Fresh sheets out of the dryer
• Movie nights
• Sun-screen smell
• Dipping my feet in a pool
• The sound of the ac
• Singing in the shower
• New horror movies
• Board games
• Pinky rings
• Visiting a puppy store
• Longer hours of daylight
• Hikes
• Friday’s 
• Laughing so hard you snort
• Sound of lawnmowers on a summer day
• Barbecues
• “Feel better” texts
• Classic car shows
• Oldies music
• Froyo
• Beginnings

Start.

Start now. Start where you are. Start with fear.  Start with pain. Start with doubt. Start with hands shaking. Start with your voice trembling, but start. Start and don’t stop. Start where you are, with what you have. Just…start. 

Insta-time..

some days, I think about all the time that has passed and it knocks the wind out of me. I can’t believe I’m not a little kid anymore in elementary school, I can’t believe this isn’t the 90’s, that I’m already out of college and into the real world… Where does the time go?!?

Life was so different then. There was no Instagram; you could go out to eat and enjoy your day without worrying about posting the best picture. You lived your life outside of your phone and didn’t hide behind it. I think that’s what gets me the most, how people feel the need to make sure their lives look better than others. What the heck…. When did this start to happen?! Shouldn’t we all just want the best for everyone and shouldn’t we want to live a good life that is personal? What is the need to let everyone know you had an amazing lunch or what your lover bought you for your birthday?

I have friends that will post pictures about things just for the gratification of likes and for people to think their life is perfect. It lessens you as a person, it makes you not as authentic. You should want to live an amazing life and if it truly is amazing, others will catch on, there’s no need to rub it in our noses. There’s no need to blatantly state it! Instagram and all of these social media sites should be used to capture great moments that you want to share, but that aren’t used for any other purpose. 

No need to cry if you only get 10 likes, who cares! It isn’t like when you’re awaiting heaven at the gates, God will ask you what’s your highest Instagram stat! We need to chill out. We need to start actually living and enjoying the moment and stop being so concerned about getting it on camera. You’ll miss out on a great concert, great conversation at dinner, a bird passing by, a beautiful sunset… You’ll just miss out. 

The time we need to be cherishing is now, not the insta-time. We need to enjoy it first, then later post whatever it is you want! You’re free to do what you please, just don’t use it to make other people envious, it’s silly and a waste of energy. Let’s focus on living.

Gratefulness

It is finally feeling like spring! I am on my back porch soaking in the vitamin d for the first time in so long!

Isn’t it remarkable how people are mentally and physically happier in the nicer weather? That really says something about our mental states. I know that I am a much happier, relaxed and patient person in spring and summer. It is something about the birds and blue sky that just perks me up in a way the fog and snow does not. Makes sense to me! 

Lately, I’ve been going back and forth with myself on what it is that makes me a happy person. I’ve started to realize that it isn’t the outside world or other people and things, it is how I react towards them. I make a decision every morning when I wake up to either be happy or be miserable. I can choose the mask I wear for that day, I just never realized it. 

Complaining about going to work and school will never make these things end or any better, they will only make it worse. These are decisions that I’ve made, to be able to keep up a job and get an education. There are millions of people who aren’t fortunate enough to have those things; Yet here I am somedays complaining about a hectic commute or annoying coworkers. I am extremely blessed to be able to provide for myself and be able to expand my education, these are not things to be complaining about, I should be celebrating them.

Once I began to realize this more and more, I stopped taking my life and all these aspects for granted and started to become a grateful person. Grateful to even be waking up in the morning, grateful to have food in my fridge, grateful to have a healthy heart, grateful to even be able to step outside my house and feel safe. This is the only life I have and I need to stop complaining and start loving it before it’s too late. I would never want to look back one day and feel regret or remorse. 

I know that sometimes we get dealt a very crappy hand. Sometimes we are just downright in the dumps, sometimes life just sucks! And that’s okay to cry and hurt and grieve, because it’s human. But no matter how hurt you may feel, there is always someone who has it worse. Be grateful that for this moment, you’re alive and you’re surviving whatever it is you’re going through. If you’re at rock bottom then good, there’s only one way out and that’s up. So be grateful, or at least try, because it won’t hurt if you do!

So today, I am grateful for the sun, the change of the season, and for another day.

Happy Sunday! 

QOTD

The trouble is, you think you have time. — Buddha 

Feeling Deeply

I used to think that being able to feel things deeply was a flaw. I was afraid that people may portray me as being too emotional or not being able to keep my emotions in check. For this reason alone, I had blocked myself from feeling too much. I would stop myself from getting attached to people and things, I would have my guard up many many times. Too often.

Until, recently, I realized that feeling things in depth, in not a shallow sense, was beautiful. When I listen to music, I hear it. I understand it, I am moved by it. I can picture an entire timeline of events just through a song alone. When I read a book I like, I am involved. I put myself in the shoes of the character, I feel so deeply for them, I can change a perspective I’ve had for years if the book moves me enough. I am able to change myself so fluidly and feel like a different, better person by the end of the book. And when I love, I love. I will move mountains for the people I love, I will sense their anxiety and fears and comfort them without them even telling me. I know when to take a step back, I know when to be more attentive. When I read about pain in the world, I feel like I can change it. I throw myself into research and learn how to help at least one person. I can feel that sadness for them. When I feel like I am failing at something, I create a plan B, C, D. I work until my bones are tired. Until I know that my work is done. Until I succeed.

Feeling something so deeply is not a flaw. It is not the quality of a sensitive, weak, or inferior person. It is a gift that will never curse you. It is a beautiful, beautiful thing to be able to fully live and feel and not just exist. This opens new doors, new opportunities. You are able to not only see a beautiful sky but understand that it’s a work of nature and appreciate it. You see, hear, taste, and feel things in a different light. You may lose it if you are in disbelief or bitter towards it, so hold on to it and never be ashamed of it. It’s a gift to be able to feel, never let anyone tell you otherwise.